Posts Tagged ‘E-Cigs’

Help! My Spam Folder Runneth Over

January 26, 2013



Spam, spam, spam, spam



They say history is written by the victors, and if my spam folder is any indication, they might just be right.


Ed McMahon

Now most of you know me as a blogger, contract writer/editor and semi-professional lawnmower (in season; call for rates and availability), so obviously I’ve got a lot of cash to flash around and waste on needless stuff.

My jammed up spam folder almost makes me long for the day when my snail mail mailbox would be filled with fliers, catalogs and “urgent” letters. I can’t recall the last Publisher’s Clearinghouse mailing that I received. Could the giveaway giant have died along with Ed McMahon?

Did you ever wonder if banks get tired of cashing those giant poster-size checks? I recall somebody even sold a gizmo that would compact all those mailings into a log that you could burn in your fireplace.

Anyway, somebody somewhere is convinced I’ve got cash to burn.

For instance, a group called Bathroom Remodeling wants to help me with, what else, bathroom remodeling. To think I’m one click away from a gorgeous new bathroom. Next!

Oh, there’s a Canadian Pharmacy that wants to send me Viagra and Cialis through the mail. I wonder if they throw in those matching bathtubs from the Cialis commercials? I’ll bet shipping is a bear.

Marriedbutlonely sent me a not to “Search the largest site for cheating wives.” So are we looking to pick up a cheating wife or two, or see if anybody we know is on the list? It’s a head-scratcher.

I get regular emails from Baker College in North Carolina. Wonder how our basketball team is doing?

Subject line: “Get healthier and be the center of attention while doing it.” That’s right, electronic cigarettes will help me pay the rent. I wonder if they bundle the Viagra and E-Cigs? I should email them about that.

Somebody who signs the email “generator” wants to sell me a generator. I wonder if they offered a Mayan end-of-the-world special. Let’s see, would you order something that could dramatically alter (think burn down) the conditi

on of your house from somebody who sent a note telling me I’d never be powerless? Didn’t think so.

Here’s one, record it all on a spy camera. And then what upload it to my XBox account or YouTube? Their emails are in there, too. Perhaps there is a spy camera film festival I could enter my work in. I’m saving that one. Darn spam filter must be set too high.

Now how can I stay away from buying a bra online while lowering my bills, getting my horoscope read, meeting cool singles, getting deal on a car and auto insurance and taking a course as an event planner all from the comfort of my living room? These email marketers are geniuses.


I’ll have to admit, there must have been some sort of karma that made my daily inspirational quote end up in the spam alongside all the others.

“Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that is the stuff life is made of.”

Benjamin Franklin


Benjamin Franklin

Ben, you had it right all along. I’ve squandered enough time with all this. Two clicks and the old spam folder is empty. Let the victors right about that one.